first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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