It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
