if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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