I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
