I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish I only lived at night.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hippo gnu deer
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
