I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The air was thick with penises
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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