I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
