she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The Olympian is in my bed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
