If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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