Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my shit smells like andre
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
