So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
