a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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