recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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