pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
