you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
