I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
