how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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