she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
