and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
