We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
