You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
