I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
