I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
