white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
