First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
