Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't turn off my feet"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
