Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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