u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
