I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
