He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
