i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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