he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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