Need sex. Gaining weight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
