The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
