Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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