WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
