I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
