DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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