It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
