i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my sisters under your porch take her home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
