you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
