I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
