I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
