absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
