I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
