Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
