Sponge bath it is.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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