You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
