he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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