And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
