You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
