Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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