That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
