I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
