that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
